don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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