Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
