Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
