Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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