Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
