if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
