3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
