I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
