a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
