Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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