I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
