i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize