Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
