He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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