We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
