new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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