It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
