Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
