Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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