Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
