I think I died a long time ago.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
