I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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