I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
