were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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