you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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