um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
