If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
