boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
