Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
