evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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