I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
