The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
