people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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