Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
