Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
