On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
