I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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