My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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