Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
