the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
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Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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