8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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