There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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