just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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