god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
