I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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