Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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