just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
