Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
