moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
