i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
