every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
