Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
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Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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