The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
