he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Can I color on your dick again?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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