M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
