Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
