I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
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