Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
