they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
