On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
