I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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