If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
