Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
