Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
