Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
