my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
